Tag Archives: honesty

Masking

Masking: A Social Rule

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The Masking Rule: A Call for Authenticity in Society

The Unspoken Rule of Masking

In our society, masking has become an unspoken rule that everyone follows to some extent. This behavior, deeply ingrained in our social fabric, is the result of norms established by non-autistic individuals. For autistics, however, this rule feels foreign and uncomfortable. Unlike non-autistics, autistics don’t innately feel the need to hide their true interior because social constructs do not determine their behavior. Instead, they are guided by their personal will, doing as they please and feeling uneasy when forced to pretend and play along with societal expectations.

The Discomfort of Masking for Autistics

Masking, to many autistics, feels like lying. It goes against their nature, as they value honesty and transparency. For example, an autistic person might struggle with the expectation to smile and engage in small talk at a social gathering, finding it disingenuous and exhausting. This tendency to mask is rooted in a societal lack of accountability for personal actions. At the grocery store, at work, and in various social situations, we mask to be liked and included. This inclusion often hinges on conforming to others’ expectations of how we should act and behave, creating a cycle where personal preferences dictate acceptance.

The Societal Debate on Masking

Currently, society is engaged in a debate about the levels and rules of masking. Who should mask? When and where is it appropriate? Why do we do it? These questions arise because there is no universal agreement on the rules of masking. Each individual has their own preferences and expectations, leading to a lack of understanding and acceptance. For instance, at work, some might expect constant politeness and enthusiasm, while others might be more accepting of genuine expressions of frustration or fatigue.

Changing the Rules

But what if we changed the rules? What if we collectively decided that it’s okay to make mistakes, to say the wrong thing, or to have a bad day? What if we accepted that it’s okay to get a bad grade or be late to work? By lowering our expectations of each other and raising our acceptance, we can create a more inclusive society. Imagine a student who fails a test but is supported and encouraged to learn from the experience rather than being shamed. Or a colleague who admits they are having a tough day and is met with understanding rather than criticism.

Encouraging Authenticity

When we peel away the layers of masks accumulated over years, we reveal our truest selves. It’s okay to have many layers—everyone does. Perhaps it’s time for a new rule: unmask and be your true self. Imagine a team-building activity between autistics and non-autistics, where we encourage each other to drop the masks and embrace our genuine selves. By fostering an environment of understanding and acceptance, we can build a society that values authenticity over conformity.

A New Societal Norm

Together, let’s create a world where everyone feels comfortable being who they truly are, without the pressure to mask. Let’s make it okay to show our true interior, to make mistakes, and to be imperfect. Because when we do, we find that the truest version of ourselves is not only acceptable but truly remarkable. By embracing this new norm, we can move towards a society that values each person’s unique qualities and contributions, making it a better place for everyone.

Autism

Faces Lie

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Faces Lie: Why I Don’t Look at Faces

From a young age, neurodivergent individuals, particularly those on the autism spectrum, often develop a unique perspective on social interactions and communication. One behavior that frequently draws attention and misunderstanding is the tendency to avoid looking at faces. This behavior is commonly misinterpreted as a lack of interest or an inability to engage socially. However, the reality is far more complex and deeply rooted in the nuanced ways we process and respond to visual and emotional information. This article delves into the reasons behind this behavior, challenges common misconceptions, and highlights the importance of direct and honest communication.

The Disconnect Between Words and Faces

One of the primary reasons neurodivergent individuals avoid looking at faces is the frequent inconsistency between what people say and what their facial expressions convey. For example, someone might insist that “nothing is wrong” while their face shows clear signs of distress. These mixed signals create confusion and frustration. For many autistic individuals, this disconnect becomes apparent early in life, leading them to distrust facial expressions that do not match spoken words.

The Importance of Internal Understanding

Many neurodivergent individuals, including myself, have a highly visual internal world. Our understanding and interpretation of the external world heavily rely on visual consistency. When examining our surroundings, we need to ensure that they match our internal visual representation. This process extends to understanding people and their emotions. If faces do not align with the spoken word, they lose their credibility and relevance. Thus, focusing on faces becomes less interesting and more of a distraction from seeking the underlying truth.

The Inefficiency of Lies

When people lie about their feelings, it wastes our effort in trying to decipher their true emotions through facial expressions. This is particularly frustrating when neurodivergent individuals are often punished or reprimanded for noticing and pointing out these discrepancies. As a result, many of us choose to divert our attention away from faces, seeking more reliable and consistent sources of information. This decision is not about a lack of empathy or social disinterest but rather a logical response to a perceived inefficiency in social communication.

Why Faces Become Uninteresting

The lack of transparency in facial expressions leads to disinterest in looking at faces. The inability to break down and understand the truth behind these expressions makes them less engaging. We prefer honesty and directness in communication, and when someone’s face says one thing while their words say another, it is seen as dishonest and not worth the effort to decipher. This preference for straightforward communication aligns with our need for clarity and consistency.

Personal Experience of Misinterpretation

This is my personal experience, and it is compounded by the fact that my own expressions are often dissected and my emotions inferred by non-autistics. When I attempt to interpret their expressions and emotions, I am frequently told that I am wrong or misled. This double standard is perplexing and frustrating. If my interpretations are deemed incorrect, then the same scrutiny should apply to the interpretations of my expressions by others. The inconsistency in how our expressions are evaluated makes little sense and adds to the difficulty of engaging with facial expressions.

Misinterpretations of Autistic Behavior

Recent studies, such as the one on abnormal visual perception in autism, highlight significant differences in how autistic individuals process visual information. These differences are often misinterpreted as social deficits. For instance, what might appear as aimless visual exploration is, in reality, a methodical process of examining the external world to ensure it matches the internal visual picture. The tendency to avoid looking at faces is not due to a lack of social interest but a logical response to the frequent dishonesty observed in facial expressions.

Social Implications

This disinterest in faces can lead to misunderstandings in social interactions, especially in a world where neurotypical people expect facial expressions to be a fundamental part of communication. Neurodivergent individuals, however, prioritize direct communication and consistency between words and actions. Understanding these different priorities can help foster more inclusive and effective communication practices.

Conclusion

Not looking at faces is a rational response to the inconsistencies and dishonesty often observed in facial expressions. For neurodivergent individuals, this behavior is rooted in a preference for direct and honest communication that aligns words with true feelings. It is crucial to challenge common misconceptions about autistic behavior and recognize the importance of providing clear, consistent communication. By doing so, we can create more inclusive social norms that respect the communication preferences of neurodivergent individuals and enhance mutual understanding and respect.

Social Interactions and Behaviors

Social Hierarchy

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The Unconventional Brilliance: Navigating the World Beyond Social Hierarchies

The nuanced perspective of individuals with autism, particularly their approach to social hierarchies—or, more accurately, their disregard for them—sheds light on a profound way of engaging with the world. While presenting challenges in traditional social settings, this distinct viewpoint holds the key to untapped realms of innovation, creativity, and ethical rigor. It’s a journey marked by a steadfast commitment to fairness, a remarkable ability to innovate free from societal constraints, and a deep-seated belief in doing what is right for its own sake.

Fairness Over Hierarchy

One of the most striking aspects of the autistic outlook is the intrinsic value placed on fairness and integrity, often leading to a disregard for established social hierarchies. This isn’t about challenging the status quo for rebellion but stems from a fundamental belief in equality and justice. The autistic individual’s dedication to what is right, rather than what is conventionally accepted or personally advantageous, challenges us to reconsider our own biases and assumptions about authority and social order.

The Gift of Seeing Beyond

Giftedness in autism presents a unique lens through which the world is perceived in intricate detail. This complexity of thought, combined with an unwavering moral compass, means that autistic individuals often require—and deserve—a nuanced approach that respects their profound sense of justice and integrity. They compel those around them to act consistently, not just in rules but in the ethical conduct of everyday life, demanding a level of honesty that is rare in conventional interactions.

Innovation Unleashed

Their navigational challenges do not hinder autistic individuals’ capacity to innovate in social environments. Their creativity and potential for invention are boundless, not confined by verbal abilities or social conformities. The notion that those who are nonverbal or engage in stimming behaviors are somehow less capable of contributing to society is not only misguided. Still, it overlooks the essence of what it means to innovate: to look beyond the present, unswayed by society’s transient opinions and trends.

Integrity in Action

Moreover, the autistic perspective is characterized by an action-based integrity. The decision to do what is right is made without regard for social accolades or personal gain. This ethical stance, free from the influence of societal expectations, allows autistic individuals to evaluate and act on ideas based on their intrinsic value and potential to contribute to the greater good. Their approach to seeking opinions and forming judgments is refreshingly untethered from the social web that often ensnares the thought processes of others, offering a purer, unadulterated viewpoint.

In a world increasingly mired in complexity and contradiction, the autistic perspective offers a beacon of clarity and purpose. It reminds us that true innovation and ethical living are not products of adherence to social norms but of the courage to stand apart, to think differently, and to act with an unwavering commitment to what is genuinely right and just.