Understanding Projection and Gaslighting: A Guide for Autistic Individuals
What is Projection?
Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where an individual attributes their own thoughts, feelings, or motives to another person. This can happen unconsciously and is often a way for people to deal with emotions or impulses they find unacceptable in themselves.
Examples of Projection:
Accusing Others: If someone feels insecure about their own abilities, they might accuse others of being incompetent.
Blaming: A person who is dishonest may frequently suspect others of lying.
Jealousy: If someone feels jealous, they might accuse their partner of being unfaithful without any real evidence.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to make another person doubt their perceptions, memories, or sanity. This tactic is often used to gain control over the victim and make them more dependent on the manipulator.
Examples of Gaslighting:
Denial of Reality: Insisting that something didn’t happen when it did, or vice versa.
Trivializing Feelings: Telling someone that their feelings or reactions are irrational or not important.
Withholding Information: Refusing to listen or pretending not to understand to make the victim question themselves.
Diverting: Changing the subject or questioning the victim’s thinking to create confusion.
Autobiographical Memories in Autistic Individuals
Autobiographical Memories are personal memories of one’s life experiences. Autistic individuals often have very precise and detailed autobiographical memories. These memories tend to be more stable and less influenced by external factors compared to non-autistic individuals.
Cognitive Dissonance and Fluctuating Memories in Non-Autistic Individuals
Cognitive Dissonance is the mental discomfort experienced when holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This is commonly seen in non-autistic individuals, especially those who have experienced severe trauma in childhood. This can lead to fluctuating memories and a tendency to reinterpret past events to align with their current beliefs and emotions.
Impact on Interpersonal Understanding
Due to these differences, the memories or recollections of non-autistic individuals might not always match those of autistic individuals. Non-autistic people, influenced by cognitive dissonance and social fluctuations, may have inconsistent or altered memories over time. Autistic individuals, with their more stable autobiographical memories, might find these discrepancies confusing and frustrating.
Coping Strategies: Walk Away and Do Not Engage
Walking Away: When you recognize that someone is projecting their issues onto you or gaslighting you, the best response is often to disengage. Walking away can help preserve your mental health and reduce the emotional toll of the interaction.
Why Not to Engage:
Energy Drain: Engaging with someone who is manipulating you can drain your energy and resources.
Ineffectiveness: Trying to reason with someone who is projecting or gaslighting is often futile, as their behavior is not based on logic.
Emotional Harm: Continuous engagement can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and self-doubt.
Practical Tips
Recognize the Signs: Be aware of common projection and gaslighting tactics. Understanding these can help you identify when it’s happening.
Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, trust your feelings. Your perception and memories are valid.
Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust about your experiences. An outside perspective can provide clarity and validation.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and stick to them. It’s okay to say no and to remove yourself from harmful situations.
Document Your Experiences: Keeping a journal of events can help you track patterns and confirm your memories.
Conclusion
Projection and gaslighting are harmful behaviors that can significantly affect anyone, particularly autistic individuals who might process social interactions differently. Understanding these concepts, recognizing the signs, and employing strategies like walking away and setting boundaries can help protect your mental well-being.
Remember, it’s crucial to preserve your resources and not waste energy on interactions that only serve to manipulate and harm you. Your perceptions and experiences are valid, and you deserve to be treated with respect and honesty.
Confusion re: internalization, introjection, identification, and incorporation. Projection is when you attribute to other people the parts in you – traits, cognitions, emotions, behaviors – that you are ashamed of, feel guilty about, or reject. So, you cannot project positive elements of yourself onto others – only negative ones.
Memory Mismatch: Navigating Cognitive Dissonance in Autistic-Non-Autistic Dialogues
“ It’s important for non-autistic individuals to acknowledge the strong memory retention in autistic people and consider it in their interactions, while autistic individuals might benefit from understanding that non-autistic people’s memories can change over time due to their psychological mechanisms.“
Cognitive Dissonance 101
How was Cognitive Dissonance Discovered?
Leon Festinger was a pioneering psychologist whose cognitive dissonance theory has profoundly impacted social psychology. Introduced in 1957, his theory was a groundbreaking discovery that addressed the psychological tension that arises from holding conflicting beliefs and values or engaging in behaviour that contradicts one’s self-concept. Festinger posited that individuals have an inherent desire for internal consistency. When confronted with inconsistencies among beliefs or behaviours, they experience psychological discomfort, known as cognitive dissonance. To alleviate this discomfort, people are motivated to reduce the dissonance by changing their beliefs, justifying their behaviour, or adopting new attitudes. This theory broadened our understanding of human psychology and provided insight into the mechanisms behind decision-making and attitude change. Festinger’s work has had a lasting influence, shaping subsequent research and applications in various domains, including decision-making, education, and behavioural change interventions.
How does cognitive dissonance happen in the brain?
The brain’s handling of cognitive dissonance is complex and involves several areas and processes:
Discomfort and Arousal: When cognitive dissonance occurs, it is often accompanied by psychological discomfort. This discomfort is believed to stem from the anterior cingulate cortex, a brain region involved in error detection, expectation of rewards, and emotional regulation.
Resolution and Rationalization: To reduce this discomfort, individuals engage in cognitive processes that try to reduce the inconsistency. This can involve rationalizing, denying, or even ignoring the conflicting information. The prefrontal cortex, involved in complex behaviours, including planning and personality development, plays a vital role in this rationalization process.
Change in Attitudes or Beliefs: Sometimes, to alleviate dissonance, people might change their attitudes, beliefs, or actions. This change process involves neural pathways associated with decision-making and reward, such as the orbitofrontal cortex.
Memory and Selective Recall: The brain may also engage in selective recall, emphasizing memories or information that align with the current belief and ignoring those that don’t. This is linked to the functioning of the hippocampus, the brain region involved in memory.
Emotional Regulation: The amygdala, which plays a crucial role in emotion and motivation, can also be involved, particularly when cognitive dissonance has a vital emotional component.
Examples of Cognitive Dissonance
Health-Related Behaviors: A smoker who knows that smoking is bad for health but continues to smoke may experience cognitive dissonance. They might rationalize their behaviour by thinking they can offset the effects with other healthy behaviours to reduce this discomfort.
Environmental Concerns vs. Lifestyle: An environmentally conscious individual driving a gas-guzzling car might experience dissonance. They might resolve this by minimizing the perceived impact of their car or overemphasizing their other environmentally friendly actions.
Political Beliefs and Voting: A voter might experience cognitive dissonance if they support a political ideology but agree with a policy from an opposing viewpoint. They might avoid information about the opposing view to reduce dissonance or rationalize their support as a one-time exception.
Workplace Ethics: Employees who value honesty but work for a company that engages in unethical practices may experience cognitive dissonance. They might reduce this discomfort by justifying the practices necessary for business success or distancing themselves emotionally from their work.
Social Relationships and Group Behavior: People often experience cognitive dissonance in social settings. For instance, if someone values inclusivity but finds themselves in a group that excludes others, they might experience dissonance. They may resolve this by changing their view of the group or by denying the exclusionary behaviour.
Understanding Memory Differences in Autistic and Non-Autistic Communication
Cognitive dissonance can significantly impact communication between autistic and non-autistic individuals, often due to differing memory perceptions and social cognitive mechanisms. Autistic individuals typically possess strong memory skills in specific areas, including the ability to recall details of events accurately and consistently over time. This contrasts with non-autistic individuals, who might experience memory shifts due to cognitive dissonance. In social situations, non-autistic people often unconsciously alter their memories to reduce discomfort caused by inconsistencies between their actions and beliefs. For example, they might remember a conflict with less severity or reshape the details to better align with their self-image or societal expectations.
This discrepancy can lead to misunderstandings in communication. An autistic person may insist on the accuracy of their detailed memory, while a non-autistic person may not recall the event with the same clarity or may have revised their memory, whether consciously or subconsciously, to cope with cognitive dissonance. Such situations can lead to feelings of being gaslighted for the autistic individual, as the non-autistic person’s account of past events might contradict the autistic person’s precise memories, making them question their reality.
Both autistic and non-autistic individuals need to be aware of these differences in processing and memory recall. Recognizing that cognitive dissonance can affect how memories are recalled and discussed can help in fostering better understanding and communication. It’s important for non-autistic individuals to acknowledge the strong memory retention in autistic people and consider it in their interactions, while autistic individuals might benefit from understanding that non-autistic people’s memories can change over time due to their psychological mechanisms. Such awareness can reduce potential conflicts and aid in building more effective and respectful communication.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person leads another to question their own reality, memory, or perceptions. This can be particularly impactful in interactions between autistic and non-autistic individuals due to their differing experiences and ways of processing information.
1. Differences in Memory and Perception:
Autistic individuals often have detailed, precise memories, especially for events or conversations that are significant to them. Non-autistic individuals, on the other hand, might not recall events with the same level of detail and may unconsciously alter their memories due to cognitive dissonance, a natural tendency to reshape memories to reduce psychological discomfort. When these differing recollections of events are discussed, a non-autistic person might, unintentionally or intentionally, suggest that the autistic person’s detailed and specific recollection is wrong. This can lead the autistic individual to doubt their memory, especially if they are not aware of the concept of gaslighting.
2. Social Understanding and Theory of Mind:
Autistic individuals may have challenges with “theory of mind” — the ability to recognize and understand the thoughts, beliefs, desires, and intentions of others. This can make it difficult for them to discern whether someone is being manipulative or genuinely misremembers an event. Without this awareness, autistic individuals may be more susceptible to gaslighting because they might accept the other person’s account as a plausible alternative to their own memories.
3. Communication Styles:
Autistic individuals often prefer and rely on straightforward and literal communication. If a non-autistic person uses more nuanced or emotionally manipulative communication techniques, the autistic individual might not recognize the underlying intentions. This can lead to misinterpretations and further exacerbate feelings of confusion and self-doubt.
4. Implications of Repeated Gaslighting:
Repeated experiences of gaslighting can lead to significant emotional distress for autistic individuals. It can erode their confidence in their memory and perception, contributing to increased anxiety, depression, and isolation. It’s crucial for both autistic and non-autistic individuals to be aware of these dynamics to avoid harmful interactions and foster more respectful and understanding relationships.
Prevention and Awareness:
Education and awareness about the different ways autistic and non-autistic people perceive and remember events are crucial. Both parties should strive for clear, respectful communication and seek to understand the other’s perspective without overriding it. Autistic individuals can be taught about gaslighting and how to recognize it, which can empower them to assert their perceptions and seek clarification when discrepancies in communication occur. Meanwhile, non-autistic individuals should be mindful of the potential impact of their words and remember that their recollection of events may not always align with others’ experiences due to natural cognitive biases.
