Understanding Projection and Gaslighting: A Guide for Autistic Individuals
What is Projection?
Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where an individual attributes their own thoughts, feelings, or motives to another person. This can happen unconsciously and is often a way for people to deal with emotions or impulses they find unacceptable in themselves.
Examples of Projection:
- Accusing Others: If someone feels insecure about their own abilities, they might accuse others of being incompetent.
- Blaming: A person who is dishonest may frequently suspect others of lying.
- Jealousy: If someone feels jealous, they might accuse their partner of being unfaithful without any real evidence.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone tries to make another person doubt their perceptions, memories, or sanity. This tactic is often used to gain control over the victim and make them more dependent on the manipulator.
Examples of Gaslighting:
- Denial of Reality: Insisting that something didn’t happen when it did, or vice versa.
- Trivializing Feelings: Telling someone that their feelings or reactions are irrational or not important.
- Withholding Information: Refusing to listen or pretending not to understand to make the victim question themselves.
- Diverting: Changing the subject or questioning the victim’s thinking to create confusion.
Autobiographical Memories in Autistic Individuals
Autobiographical Memories are personal memories of one’s life experiences. Autistic individuals often have very precise and detailed autobiographical memories. These memories tend to be more stable and less influenced by external factors compared to non-autistic individuals.
Cognitive Dissonance and Fluctuating Memories in Non-Autistic Individuals
Cognitive Dissonance is the mental discomfort experienced when holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This is commonly seen in non-autistic individuals, especially those who have experienced severe trauma in childhood. This can lead to fluctuating memories and a tendency to reinterpret past events to align with their current beliefs and emotions.
Impact on Interpersonal Understanding
Due to these differences, the memories or recollections of non-autistic individuals might not always match those of autistic individuals. Non-autistic people, influenced by cognitive dissonance and social fluctuations, may have inconsistent or altered memories over time. Autistic individuals, with their more stable autobiographical memories, might find these discrepancies confusing and frustrating.
Coping Strategies: Walk Away and Do Not Engage
Walking Away: When you recognize that someone is projecting their issues onto you or gaslighting you, the best response is often to disengage. Walking away can help preserve your mental health and reduce the emotional toll of the interaction.
Why Not to Engage:
- Energy Drain: Engaging with someone who is manipulating you can drain your energy and resources.
- Ineffectiveness: Trying to reason with someone who is projecting or gaslighting is often futile, as their behavior is not based on logic.
- Emotional Harm: Continuous engagement can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and self-doubt.
Practical Tips
- Recognize the Signs: Be aware of common projection and gaslighting tactics. Understanding these can help you identify when it’s happening.
- Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, trust your feelings. Your perception and memories are valid.
- Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust about your experiences. An outside perspective can provide clarity and validation.
- Set Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and stick to them. It’s okay to say no and to remove yourself from harmful situations.
- Document Your Experiences: Keeping a journal of events can help you track patterns and confirm your memories.
Conclusion
Projection and gaslighting are harmful behaviors that can significantly affect anyone, particularly autistic individuals who might process social interactions differently. Understanding these concepts, recognizing the signs, and employing strategies like walking away and setting boundaries can help protect your mental well-being.