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Autism

Achievement by Proxy

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Autistic individuals are not side show exhibits to monetize.

Achievement by Proxy: Understanding and Addressing a Harmful Behavior

“Achievement by proxy” is a term I invented to describe the act of taking credit for someone else’s accomplishments. This behavior often occurs in relationships where one party, such as a friend, parent, or spouse, claims that the achiever could not have succeeded without their support or influence. Understanding the motivations behind achievement by proxy and its detrimental effects on both the perpetrator and the victim is crucial for fostering healthier relationships and personal growth.

Definition of “By Proxy”

The term “by proxy” refers to the authority to act on behalf of someone else. In the context of achievements, it implies that the credit for accomplishments is claimed by someone who assisted or supported the achiever, often overshadowing the actual effort and success of the individual.

What Achievement by Proxy Says About the Perpetrator

  1. Insecurity
    • Explanation: Individuals who engage in achievement by proxy often struggle with their own sense of self-worth and competence. By attaching themselves to another person’s success, they attempt to boost their own self-esteem.
    • Behavior: This may manifest as frequent boasting about their role in others’ achievements or downplaying the efforts of the actual achiever.
  2. Narcissism
    • Explanation: Narcissistic individuals have an excessive need for admiration and validation. Taking credit for others’ successes provides them with the recognition and praise they crave.
    • Behavior: They often dominate conversations about achievements, making it about their contributions rather than acknowledging the actual achiever.
  3. Control and Manipulation
    • Explanation: Some individuals use achievement by proxy as a means to exert control over the achiever, reinforcing a power dynamic where the achiever feels indebted or dependent.
    • Behavior: This can include reminding the achiever of their supposed contributions in moments of conflict or to manipulate the achiever’s decisions.
  4. Ulterior Motives
    • Explanation: Helping someone should come from the goodness of helping, not from a desire for control or manipulation. When help is offered with ulterior motives, it becomes about maintaining influence over the person being helped.
    • Behavior: Such individuals might frequently highlight their assistance to keep the achiever feeling obligated or dependent.

Why Achievement by Proxy Is Unhealthy for Both Parties

  1. Impact on the Achiever
    • Loss of Self-Worth: The achiever’s sense of accomplishment is undermined, leading to feelings of inadequacy and diminished self-esteem.
    • Emotional Distress: Persistent achievement by proxy can cause frustration, resentment, and even depression or anxiety in the achiever.
    • Hindered Growth: When achievements are not fully recognized, the achiever may doubt their capabilities, stifling their personal and professional development.
  2. Impact on the Perpetrator
    • Reinforcement of Negative Traits: Engaging in achievement by proxy perpetuates insecurity and narcissistic behaviors, preventing the perpetrator from addressing their underlying issues.
    • Relationship Strain: This behavior often leads to tension and conflict within relationships, as the achiever feels undervalued and manipulated.
    • Lack of Authentic Connection: By focusing on appropriating others’ successes, the perpetrator misses out on forming genuine, supportive relationships based on mutual respect and recognition.

Addressing Achievement by Proxy

  1. For the Achiever
    • Assertive Communication: Clearly and calmly communicate the importance of recognizing individual contributions. Use “I” statements to express feelings without blaming.
    • Seeking Support: Engage with supportive friends, family members, or professional counselors who can validate the achiever’s feelings and experiences.
    • Documenting Achievements: Keep a detailed record of personal accomplishments to reinforce self-worth and provide evidence of individual efforts.
  2. For the Perpetrator
    • Self-Reflection: Encourage self-reflection to understand the motivations behind their behavior and acknowledge its impact on others.
    • Professional Help: Seek therapy or counseling to address underlying insecurities, narcissistic tendencies, or control issues.
    • Promoting Healthy Recognition: Practice giving genuine recognition and praise to others, focusing on their achievements without seeking personal validation.

Conclusion

Achievement by proxy undermines the true value of individual accomplishments and damages relationships. By understanding the psychological motivations behind this behavior and its detrimental effects, both perpetrators and victims can take steps to foster healthier, more supportive relationships. Recognizing and addressing achievement by proxy is essential for personal growth and maintaining the integrity of individual achievements.

Autism, Other

Autism Social Power

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Don’t Believe everything you hear: Real eyes, Realize, Real lies.

Tupac Shakur

The Social Imbalance of Power Between Autistics and Non-Autistics: Insights from Robert Dahl, Game Theory, and Ideological Power

In our society, the distribution of power is often unequal, creating disparities that affect various marginalized groups, including autistics. This article examines the social imbalance of power between autistics and non-autistics through the lens of Robert Dahl’s concept of power, game theory, control, and ideological power. By understanding these dynamics, we can advocate for a more equitable society that values and empowers autistics.

The Concept of Power by Robert Dahl

Robert Dahl’s seminal work on power defined it as the ability of A to get B to do something that B would not otherwise do. This framework can be applied to the relationship between autistics and non-autistics:

  • Authority and Influence: In many social and institutional contexts, non-autistics often hold positions of authority, whether as educators, employers, or caregivers. This authority can lead to an imbalance where autistics are compelled to conform to norms and expectations that do not align with their natural ways of being.
  • Compliance and Resistance: Autistics might experience pressure to comply with social norms that feel unnatural or uncomfortable. For example, the expectation to maintain eye contact or engage in small talk can be challenging for many autistics. The power imbalance is evident when autistics are forced to suppress their natural behaviors to fit in.
  • Decision-Making: Non-autistics often control decision-making processes in areas such as healthcare, education, and workplace accommodations. This control can limit the agency of autistics, who may have different but equally valid needs and preferences.

Game Theory and Social Interactions

Game theory explores strategic interactions where individuals’ success depends on their choices and the choices of others. Applying game theory to social interactions between autistics and non-autistics highlights several points:

  • Different Social Norms: Autistics often approach social interactions with honesty and directness, valuing straightforward communication. In contrast, non-autistic social norms can involve indirect communication, subtle cues, and social rituals that may be confusing or exhausting for autistics.
  • Strategies and Outcomes: In a social “game,” autistics might find themselves at a disadvantage if they do not adhere to non-autistic strategies. For example, a neurotypical person might use small talk to build rapport, while an autistic person might prefer to engage in meaningful conversations directly. This mismatch can lead to misunderstandings and exclusion.
  • Power Dynamics in Social Settings: Non-autistics might exploit these differences, consciously or unconsciously, to maintain social dominance. For instance, group dynamics in workplaces or schools can marginalize autistics who do not participate in the same way as their peers.

Control and Ideological Power

Control and ideological power refer to the ways in which societal norms and beliefs shape behaviors and perceptions. In the context of autism, these concepts reveal deep-seated power imbalances:

  • Cultural Hegemony: Non-autistic norms dominate cultural and institutional settings, often portraying autistic behaviors as deviant or problematic. This hegemony reinforces the notion that autistics need to be “fixed” or “normalized.”
  • Pathologization of Difference: The medical model of autism pathologizes neurodivergence, framing it as a disorder to be treated rather than a difference to be understood and accommodated. This perspective can strip autistics of their agency and subject them to treatments aimed at conformity.
  • Institutional Power: Educational systems, workplaces, and healthcare institutions often lack accommodations for autistics, leading to systemic disadvantages. For example, rigid school schedules and sensory-unfriendly environments can create significant barriers for autistic students.

Radical Perspectives on Power Imbalances

Radical theories critique existing power structures and advocate for systemic changes. Applying these theories to autism highlights the need for societal transformation:

  • Neurodiversity Movement: The neurodiversity movement challenges the medical model of autism, advocating for the acceptance and celebration of neurodivergent minds. This perspective emphasizes that autism is a natural variation of human diversity, not a defect.
  • Empowerment and Advocacy: Empowering autistics involves recognizing their strengths and providing platforms for self-advocacy. Autistics should have a voice in decisions that affect their lives, from healthcare and education to policy-making.
  • Systemic Change: True equity requires systemic changes that address the root causes of power imbalances. This includes creating inclusive environments, promoting understanding and acceptance, and dismantling ableist practices and policies.

Case Studies and Real-Life Examples

Real-life examples illustrate the social imbalance of power and its impact on autistics:

  • Educational Settings: Autistic students often face rigid educational practices that do not accommodate their needs. For instance, a student who excels in a specific subject might be forced to adhere to a standardized curriculum that stifles their potential.
  • Workplace Challenges: In the workplace, autistics might encounter environments that are not sensory-friendly or inclusive. An autistic employee might struggle with open-plan offices, leading to sensory overload and reduced productivity.
  • Healthcare Disparities: Autistics often face healthcare providers who lack understanding of their unique needs. This can result in misdiagnoses, inadequate treatment, and a lack of appropriate support.

Conclusion

Addressing the social imbalance of power between autistics and non-autistics requires a multifaceted approach. By understanding the dynamics of power, game theory, and ideological control, we can advocate for greater awareness, acceptance, and systemic change. Empowering autistics involves valuing their perspectives, creating inclusive environments, and challenging societal norms that perpetuate inequality.

References

  • Robert Dahl’s Concept of Power: Dahl, R. A. (1957). The Concept of Power. Behavioral Science, 2(3), 201-215.
  • Game Theory Literature: Osborne, M. J., & Rubinstein, A. (1994). A Course in Game Theory. MIT Press.
  • Control and Ideological Power: Foucault, M. (1980). Power/Knowledge: Selected Interviews and Other Writings, 1972-1977. Pantheon Books.
  • Neurodiversity Movement: Silberman, S. (2015). NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity. Avery.

By exploring these concepts and their implications, we can work towards a society that values and empowers autistics, ensuring their voices are heard and their needs are met.

Autism Evolution

Stoicism

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“The key to control is not in controlling external events, but in controlling your own mind.“

Epictetus

11 Smart Ways to Deal with Toxic People | Stoic Philosophy

11 Smart Ways to Deal with Toxic People | Stoic Philosophy

11 Smart Ways to Deal with Toxic People | Stoic Philosophy

The Wisdom of Stoicism

Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium in the early 3rd century BC. Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions. The philosophy asserts that virtue (such as wisdom) is happiness and judgment should be based on behavior, rather than words. Here’s a look into Stoicism:

Core Principles of Stoicism

  1. Logic and Perception:
    • Stoics emphasize the importance of logic and the objective perception of the world. They believe in perceiving reality as it is, without the influence of personal bias or emotional reactions.
  2. Virtue as the Sole Good:
    • The primary principle in Stoicism is that virtue alone is good and that it is sufficient for happiness. Virtue includes wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation.
  3. Control and Indifference:
    • Stoics distinguish between things that are within our control (our own judgments, impulses, desires, and aversions) and those that are not (wealth, health, reputation). They strive to remain indifferent to what lies outside their control.

Practices of Stoicism

Mindfulness (Prosochē)

Awareness of Judgments:

  • Stoics believe that our judgments about impressions—our interpretations and the meanings we ascribe to external events—are the root of our emotions and actions.
  • Practicing Prosochē involves observing these judgments closely and critically, asking whether they align with reality and virtue.

Present Moment Focus:

  • By concentrating on the present moment, Stoics seek to avoid being swept away by thoughts of the past or anxieties about the future.
  • Mindfulness is a tool for remaining in the present, ensuring that one’s attention is not divided or distracted from the task or situation at hand.

Rational Use of Impressions:

  • Impressions are seen as neither good nor bad in themselves; it is the value we assign to them that gives them their moral weight.
  • Stoics strive to respond to these impressions rationally, rather than impulsively or emotionally.

Harmony with Nature:

  • Nature, to the Stoics, represents the rational order of the universe. Living in harmony with nature implies living according to reason and virtue.
  • Mindfulness ensures that one’s actions are deliberate and aligned with the Stoic virtues of wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation.

Virtue as a Guide:

  • Virtue is considered the sole good in Stoicism, and being mindful of one’s intentions and actions ensures that these are always striving towards virtue.
  • Practitioners reflect on their actions in the context of the common good and their roles within society, always working towards the betterment of themselves and others.

Self-Reflection and Adaptability:

  • Stoics regularly engage in self-reflection as a part of mindfulness practice, evaluating their progress and areas for improvement.
  • This reflection also involves adapting one’s behaviors and strategies in pursuit of a virtuous and wise life.

Dichotomy of Control

The Basic Dichotomy

  • Within Our Control: According to Stoicism, the only things truly within our control are our own thoughts, perceptions, and actions. This includes our judgments, intentions, desires, and aversions.
  • Outside Our Control: Everything external to our own mind and will is ultimately out of our control. This encompasses outcomes, other people’s thoughts and actions, our reputation, and most external events.

Implications for Living

  1. Mental Freedom: By focusing on what is within our control, we can achieve freedom from the tyranny of external events. We no longer hinge our well-being on unpredictable or uncontrollable circumstances.
  2. Emotional Serenity: When we stop trying to control what is not ours to control, we can maintain emotional balance. The Stoic ideal is to remain undisturbed by external events while finding joy and satisfaction in our internal moral life.
  3. Proactive Living: The Dichotomy of Control does not imply passivity. Stoics advocate for taking responsible and considered actions within the sphere of what they can control, while being prepared to accept whatever outcome ensues.

Application in Daily Life

  • Setting Intentions: Recognize that while you can set goals and work towards them, the final outcomes depend on factors outside your control. The Stoic would focus on the effort, not the result.
  • Social Interactions: Understand that you cannot control other people’s actions or thoughts, only your reactions and attitudes towards them.
  • Emotional Management: When faced with negative emotions, remind yourself that it’s your judgments about an event, not the event itself, that are causing these feelings. Then, work to change those judgments.

Memento Mori and Premeditatio Malorum

“Memento Mori” and “Premeditatio Malorum” are two Stoic exercises designed to foster resilience and appreciation for life by confronting some of the most challenging aspects of human existence: mortality and misfortune.

Memento Mori: Remembering Death

  • Latin for “Remember that you must die,” Memento Mori is an exercise in reflection on the inevitability of death.
  • Purpose of Practice:
    • It encourages individuals to live with a heightened sense of the value of the present moment, knowing that life is temporary and fragile.
    • It serves as a motivator to engage in life fully and ethically, as each action could be one’s last.
    • It instills a sense of humility, as death is the great equalizer that all humanity shares regardless of status or wealth.
  • How It’s Practiced:
    • Through daily contemplation or symbolic reminders (such as skull imagery), individuals remember the transitory nature of life.
    • It’s used to gauge the importance of one’s actions and concerns, asking whether a given pursuit will hold value in the face of death.
  • Impact on Behavior:
    • This reflection is intended to strip away trivial concerns and refocus on what truly matters in life, such as virtuous living and the pursuit of wisdom.

Premeditatio Malorum: Anticipating Adversity

  • Latin for “Pre-meditation of Evils,” this practice involves contemplating potential future hardships or misfortunes.
  • Purpose of Practice:
    • To mentally prepare oneself for challenges and setbacks, thereby lessening their emotional impact when they occur.
    • To appreciate current conditions, no matter how humble or challenging, by understanding that circumstances could always be worse.
    • To develop contingency plans and the ability to adapt to changing situations.
  • How It’s Practiced:
    • Practitioners envision different scenarios in which things go wrong, ranging from minor inconveniences to significant life upheavals.
    • They visualize their response to these scenarios, fostering a prepared mindset and emotional resilience.
  • Impact on Behavior:
    • The practice is not about pessimism but readiness. It helps individuals maintain composure and practicality in the face of adversity.
    • It reinforces the idea of the Dichotomy of Control by highlighting what one can prepare for and what one can manage through one’s own actions.

The philosophy of Stoicism – Massimo Pigliucci

The philosophy of Stoicism – Massimo Pigliucci

View full lesson: http://ed.ted.com/lessons/the-philosophy-of-stoicism-massimo-pigliucci What is the best life we can live? How can we cope with whatever the universe throws at us and keep thriving nonetheless? The ancient Greco-Roman philosophy of Stoicism explains that while we may not always have control over the events affecting us, we can have control over how we approach things.

The philosophy of Stoicism – Massimo Pigliucci

The World Within – C.G. Jung in His Own Words – Documentary – Psychology audiobooks

The World Within – C.G. Jung in His Own Words – Documentary – Psychology audiobooks

A 1990 Documentary about Carl Gustav Jung that explains his standpoints mainly by using footage of him talking. Free psychology audiobooks.

The World Within – C.G. Jung